I'm having "one of those nights"...the kind of night where my head and my heart are in over-drive, thinking about anything and everything, racing like it's their new found passion over think, over analyse, and keep me awake! It's been awhile since this has happened, and it's honestly because I've either been too busy or too tired :P It's been awhile since I've checked in, so I should probably update you before I continue....
About 4 months ago, I moved. I took a leap of faith, stepped out on my own and found myself in the crazy lovely city of Toronto. And I love it. I didn't think I would, I imagined myself getting lost in the bustle of the city streets, longing for home and counting down the days until my two years at George Brown College were up. Instead, I found myself marveling at beautiful skyscraper sunsets out my bedroom window, enjoying the hustle and bustle of my morning walks to school, and finding love and acceptance in a community of people who welcome me with open arms. I fit here, and I'm excited.
I am in the intervenor for individuals with deafblindness program (more to come on that...it's a whole post worth :) ). I. AM. LOVING IT! It's my heart. It's where I'm supposed to be. It's where God is calling me; and my heart has found joy again <3
So, back to my crazy head and heart! I am a person who can get lost in worry if I let myself. What will happen? How will this work? Will there be enough money? Did I finish this? How will I know? Am I doing enough? Am I doing to much? You get the idea...Tonight, my mind is wandering to the future. I have a program placement starting in January, an academic schedule that will be taking up the majority of my time, and a financial burden that can be stressful at times. I am lying in my bed as all of these thoughts are running through my mind and making my heart race....breathe in....breathe out...breathe in...breathe out..."talk to me"...it's that still, beautiful voice that I have forgotten to listen for over the past week. It's that gentle whisper of peace that begins to slow my racing heart and calm my mind for a moment. It's the God of the Universe reminding me that I don't have to do this, or anything else, alone.
"Father, I say, it's just too much, there's too many things I've forgotten to do, to many unknowns, what if I pick the wrong thing, or go the wrong way, what if I mess it all up?" I can almost feel His smile as my heart starts to slow even more; "Trust Me, He says, follow Me. I love you sooooooo much! and I've got this".
For Christmas this year, we got my dad a Rich Mullins CD, and he and I were listening to it in the car the other day. We had time for one last song before we arrived back home. He scanned the song list on the back of the CD case, and smiled as he changed it track 7. "You'll like this one", he said, and I did....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdspZ8Dexv0
~But the Father of hearts
and the maker of noses
and the giver of dreams
He's the one I have chosen
And I will follow Him~
He is the one who knows my heart, my today, my tomorrow, my yesterday...my forever. He's the one who has placed my dreams and passions in my heart and holds all of it in His hands. Pretty amazing :) So, it's off to bed for me, with a head and heart that are just a little bit quieter, a little bit slower. Will they get crazy again? Yes. Most definitely. It may even happen tomorrow. And when it does, I want to remember to stop, and listen, feel His smile and hear His gentle whisper, "I've got this."
Lots of Love
God Bless
Meaghan :)
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